Memories of You
by deer hunter
Summary: Shinji Ikari finds his life going no where as he sits in a bar giving toasts to his dreams, that is until one walks back into his life. ShinjiXAsuka
1. I: Haunted by your image

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and other related materials are the property of Gainax  
  
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"Do you ever think about going after her?"  
Shinji Ikari tried to ignore the questioned posed to him by his friend. He tried to concentrate on losing himself in the liquor bottle he clasped loosely in his hand. He did not want to admit that he was constantly haunted by her image. He did not want to bring himself to accept how much he thought about her. He didn't want to admit how much his thoughts searched for her; how he could see her image constantly yet could never really see her again. He almost hated how much he loved her; how much he felt for her; how much his soul, body, and mind had ached over the past five years that he had been left without her. His life had become, dull, pointless, and filled with longing; unfulfilled passion and lost love. [Perhaps I am just a silly little boy. A fool with nothing in his life except the thought of the only woman to ever love him, a woman who was herself a silly little girl at the age of 14, and with nothing else to live for either]. Shinji Ikari did not even have the worries of work to keep him occupied, with a constant government reparations cash flow for his "unwavering service and sacrifice" to the nation of Japan.  
Shinji Ikari moved the bottle back to his lips again, and, with a flick of his wrists, downed the rest of the sake. This was how he spent his nights now, trapped in a bottle with Kensuke Aida, drinking and complaining about how Toji had abandoned them. They both knew that was not true, but it helped to have a scapegoat. They despised Toji Suzahara with the same zeal that two friends despise a third who has managed to acquire female attention, effectively stealing the third member away. He and Kensuke would sit, get plastered, and bitch about a wonderful woman named Hikari Horaki. Then, 30 seconds later, Shinji Ikari recalled that a question had been posed to him. He turned to his spectacled friend and spoke:  
"Every Fucking day."  
  
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In truth Kensuke Aida had not asked Shinji Ikari about Asuka so much out of curiosity, this topic had come up numerous times before, but only to steer the conversation away from his thoughts about Rei Ayanami. Throughout his high school career he had felt a connection with her, though it was only now that he really saw what had been right in front of him (not that Ayanami was an especially easy person to connect with anyway). Regardless of what had happened, he had lost sight of her after school had ended. It had been straight into the army for him, but he had soon after been given honorable discharge after taking a bullet for another soldier. In reality he had been almost forced to leave for being such an overwhelming liability to the armed forces. Kensuke was constantly gung ho in every situation. Though his courage was admirable, and though he was somewhat of an obscure celebrity because of his highly broadcast actions, the army decided it was best if he just resign with some awards and leave it at that. Thus he was left without his dream, and with even less ambition...which led him to the bar at which he now drank.  
"Every Fucking day," Shinji Ikari said.  
Kensuke Aida laughed. He laughed at the profanity, he laughed at the meaning, he laughed at his pathetic friend, and he laughed at the gaping hole that was quickly swallowing his life.  
  
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Shinji Ikari stumbled into his apartment and collapsed onto the floor. Immediately his thoughts rushed to her. He almost laughed at his minds efficiency to zero in on the one thing that he felt he could never have. Perhaps the only thing that saved the third child from passing out right on the carpet was a small red blinking light. For a moment Shinji thought he could see the devil, but then realized it was probably just Asuka, and then realized that it was the light on his answering machine. This puzzled him. He rarely got calls from anybody, and if he did, they weren't the kind of people who usually left messages. Regardless, it was there, though. Mustering all of the will power he felt that he could muster, which in subtle twist of irony was in fact all of the will power he indeed possessed, Shinji Ikari managed to pull himself from the floor and stumble to his answering machine. He extended his right hand, and then any of a number of fingers in an attempt to find the play button which, 14 agonizing seconds later, he did.  
"Playyyyy..."  
"Shinji! This is Misato, how ya been? Wait, don't answer that..."  
Shinji snorted. This is what he had branded "typical Misato humor."  
The message continued.  
"Anyway, I wanted you to know that Asuka is in town! Do you remember her? Yah, I didn't think you did, but regardless she was looking for a place to stay and I told her that I was too busy. So...naturally, I told her that you were probably free, and drunk. You're not drunk yet are you? Anyway she should be there at around 11 so I hope you get laid, er, I mean have fun!"  
The message ended with a click.  
The faint leap of quiet heart was echoed ominously around the lifeless apartment, and was soon after quickly silenced by a voice of reason. The apartment reeked of loneliness. It was like a silent film, ancient and gray, reflecting the lost hope of the man who inhabited it. It was clean. Sickeningly clean. The bed was made, the dishes were done, and the trash was taken out. The entire establishment reeled with the pain of forgotten youth and lost innocence. The third child possessed one picture in his homestead, a single small photograph. The shot showed all of his friends and colleagues from when he piloted the monstrosity known as Evangelion. It was possibly the most painful time of his entire life, though in the picture he was smiling. He had hated it then, but now he sensed that it had been the peak of his (in his own humble opinion) likely to be short life. She was there, her red hair flowing down her perfect figure. [What a bitch] he thought. And it was true. Asuka Langley Soryu almost certainly was an absolute bitch, and he loved her. Shinji Ikari felt stuck, immobilized where he stood. He was in the picture a portrait of a man, though still in his youth, and now he stood somewhere beyond that. It was a vague feeling, and an even vaguer existence, as if he could not move forward unless he could fix something in the past.  
Shinji Ikari turned from his answering machine to the calendar that hung on his wall. It was April the first. April fools day.  
"HA...Ha...ha..."  
Misato Katsuragi had almost had him fooled. [no, she didn't]. His mind was far too cynical for that. He was no American; his thoughts were not given to Hollywood endings and romance. He was a realist; a 20th century poet with disillusionment and remorse to spare. This place, his apartment, this was his cold harsh reality, his Cannery Row. He was horrendously bored and yet frightened of change at the same time; eager to see the world, yet terrified of his front door all at the same time. This fear didn't help the third child when he heard his doorbell ring. It was a cold, shattering, terrifying noise. The rain suddenly seemed to grow louder outside. [Rain]. Shinji had failed to even notice how wet he was. [The door. Better go open it].  
Shinji Ikari turned 180 degrees and walked up to his door. He drew a deep breath. Thoughts of Asuka Langley Soryu did not enter his mind as a person possibly behind the door; in fact he half inspected it to be a nearly comatose Kensuke, or, at least, an armed robber. Nevertheless, she was just as beautiful as he remembered, her burning red hair falling to her waist, her eyes intense, her figure perfect, her shirt wet, and her bra obviously missing. Asuka Langley Soryu was smiling, wet, and gorgeous.  
"Hello Shinji...do you like what you see?"  
She spoke her words scandalously, with a sexy squinting of her eyes and quick pose, hands on her hips.  
"Can I come in?"  
If Shinji Ikari had ever truly thought that this moment would come, he did not think that he would remain as composed as he did, genteelly motioning for her to come inside. Perhaps he was in shock, or perhaps he thought he was dreaming, perhaps one day he would look back and know what he felt, but for the moment he was quite unsure of what was going on. Nevertheless, they were both now inside of his apartment.  
"So..." Shinji began and finished with one syllable. [damn it].  
"Shinji," the dripping girl said, giving her body a quick doglike shake as she did so, "You look great."  
The third child felt a set of arms swung around his back, and a wet head laid upon his chest. This was at least unexpected, and at most awkward. [where the hell do I put my hands?] Shinji Ikari held his arms up in the air, and slightly forward, feeling just like the jackass he looked like in that position. [say something].  
"So do you?"  
The red head laughed.  
"Is that a question or a compliment?"  
"Ahhuuu..."  
"On second thought," she said, "don't answer that."  
Shinji blinked, or nodded, he couldn't decide which had taken place. This only seemed to bring more giggling from the feminine mystique presented before him. [Goddamnit Ikari!] Shinji told himself, [say something]. He really did want to say something meaningful, but, like most, found words absent when they perhaps would have been the most useful.  
He watched her crane her neck, following along with the movements of his eyes.  
"You don't happen to have a towel or anything, do you?"  
"...[of course you do] Yah...um, of course I do."  
Shinji turned from the woman before him and made the short trip to his bathroom, retrieving one of his blue bath towels as he did so. He handed it to her, noticing the touch of her hand on his during the exchange. [say something].  
"I...uh...I only have one bed." [why the hell did I say that?]  
"Not a problem. One bed is all I need."  
Shinji nodded. [what did she mean by that? Did I just loose a bed or gain a bunkmate?]  
"Look Shinji, why don't you just grab some extra blankets and pillows, its going to be cold tonight anyway, and I'll meet you in bed in a few. But for now I think I'm going to take a shower."  
And with that she was gone, disappearing into the bathroom that had formerly held Shinji's blue towel.  
He stared at the door. [is this happening? She seems almost...] he found that he couldn't place his finger on the right word to describe it, but soon it came to him [...bubbly]. [Was she like this before?] No, Shinji didn't think so. [Maybe she just grew up. Matured. Had a bitch removal surgery]. The third child had no idea, but knew that he would be lying to himself if he said he didn't like it. [Meet me in bed?] It just dawned on him that she had said she wanted to share the bed. [What the hell is going on?]. Shinji Ikari found that he did not know how long he had been staring at his bathroom door, he had apparently lost himself in thought, but once the steam started to slip under a bit he began to come to his senses as her voice called out to him.  
"Shinji! There aren't any more towels."  
"Oh, um, sorry. I guess you can just dry yourself off with some of my clothes." [I am such an idiot].  
"Your clothes?" she laughed, "Okay fine. Speaking of your clothes mine are still in my car, so could I borrow a pair of yours?"  
"Yah, I guess."  
Shinji Ikari turned around and headed to his room, locating three white button down shirts and a pair of sweat pants. He calculated that he could dry herself with two of the shirts, and then subsequently where the remaining articles. His theory proved a success, barring some slight discomfort from the buttons rubbing Asuka's wet skin, and soon Shinji Ikari found himself lying in bed next to the woman only 45 minutes ago he was sure that he would never see again. He found himself in utter disbelief, reduced to staring absentmindedly at an unfamiliar ceiling that he had slept under for almost 3 years.  
"Shinji?"  
"...Yes."  
"Thanks for letting me stay here."  
Shinji laughed slightly in his disbelief, shaking his head from side to side.  
"Anytime." 


	2. II: Shadows of the past

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion: All characters and other related materials are the property of Gainax.

Memories of You

II

            The grave stone looked the same every time: Hollow and Meaningless. Shinji Ikari's mind began debating its reasons for returning to this place, and in the end, found no answer. [Sometimes its just best to let the past stay buried]. Not that she was buried here anyway.

            Gendo Ikari turned from the grave and began to walk back towards the helicopter that he had arrived in.

            "Going so soon?" Shinji said.

            "I have seen all that I need too. The rest of what I feel for Yui is in my heart."

            For some reason Gendo Ikari's bullshit had struck a chord with his son that day. Perhaps the reason was because, at this moment, Shinji Ikari felt as if he had nothing to lose, and, if he did (which he doubted), he did not care about it anymore.

            "Why did you take her from me? Why does not even a single picture of her remain?"

            "I"

            "Destroyed the pictures, yes I know," Shinji said, cutting off Gendo's words.

            "You don't understand, Shinji. You don't realize what losing someone that precious to you feels like."

            It was those words that had really gotten to him. The sheer audacity of this man to declare that he was the only man to have ever loved and lost infuriated him. He tried his best to contain it, to keep it all inside just like he always had.

            "Maybe. And maybe you don't realize what it feels like to never be given the chance to love."

            "I wouldn't recommend it. It will only bring you pain in the end."

            Sometimes it is the simplest, most obvious actions that we take that have the most profound effects on our lives. Sometimes we miss those actions, and sometimes we never know how important they really were. Shinji Ikari turned and swung his right fist into his fathers face. He watched as the man, once tall and proud, fell, crumbling down to the dirt, his glasses broken and his eye black. Shinji Ikari would later look at this day as a dramatic turning point in his life. With that single punch he had reduced the man that he hated and feared so much to no more than a fallen creature, with no one to love, and no love to pick him up again. This punch was also perhaps the same punch that drove the third child to a life of depression, monotony, and alcoholism, but sometimes one must cope with the lesser to two evils. At least now he was depressed for different reasons. The next day Gendo Ikari had announced his resignation from the commanding position of NERV, this was the same day upon which he later killed himself.

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            Shinji Ikari woke from his sleep. He surveyed his immediate surroundings and noted that it was 2:19 AM , and that it was still raining. It was warmer than normal. She was still there. Somewhere deep down the third child had hoped that perhaps when he woke he would find her huddled up against him, or that perhaps her hand would somehow become entwined in his own. It was a nice thought to be sure, but not one that he really expected to take place. [My god she is beautiful]. Something about her he just could never quite get over. He found her even more attractive wearing one of his shirts. He realized that she had left the top three buttons undone, and he resisted the urge to look down her shirt…for about two seconds. [damn it]. After staring for a few moments he scolded himself and rolled over to face the other direction. A feeling of guilt suddenly flooded him. Asuka had been right all of those years ago. [I am a pervert]. He sighed and tried to return himself to sleep, which was proving somewhat difficult, but he soon drifted off to his dreams once again.

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            He watched as she turned and began to walk towards the boarding terminal. There was no reason for her to stay here anymore; in fact he was amazed that she had stayed as long as she did. The angels were all dead, and there really was no point for her to stay in Japan, especially considering how much she hated her roommates. Though, this still left him struggling with the question: Why did she stay another two years? It didn't quite add up unless she was staying for something, perhaps, hoping for something to take place; hoping for some reason to stay. It was obvious to Shinji Ikari that none had presented themselves to her. That was why she was leaving wasn't it? The third child had never felt quite like this before. He felt a feeling of relief as she walked away, as if a tension that had been pulling at his insides for years was being lifted, but at the same time was experiencing an intense wave of sadness. [love] Was that what this was? If it was then love was perhaps the most awkward, horrible, unintelligible thing that he had ever felt. She turned to look back to him just before she boarded, and the movement and the glance seemed to enter the cliché of slow motion. [is she sad as well?] The image of Asuka Langley Soryu turning to look back at him would be a picture that would stay with the third child a very long time.

            "You know, you will probably never see her again," was what Misato had said to him all those years ago. He wasn't quite sure of what that meant, though he heard her words and understood their meaning. [why is this happening?] It was like some vital piece of the puzzle was missing, you could tell what the picture was, but you would never know what color the eyes were. So much pain. Gendo had been right, sadistic and selfish, but right nonetheless. Shinji had fought almost constantly with his red headed roommate since they had met. He was sure that she hated him, but then why was she looking at him this way? He felt stupid. The whole world was one big joke, he was the punch line, and no one was laughing "with him." [father]. It was his damn fault. [if he hadn't abandoned me maybe I would know what the hell to do]. Shinji Ikari was unsure of this thought. His father had been no better than he was; perhaps what had happened was for the best. 

Asuka Langley Soryu slowly turned herself back towards the terminal and her image was lost to the third child. It was over, and he felt awful. He wanted to cry out, but couldn't. [why?] he didn't know. Not that it would have mattered. She hated him. Or did she? In truth all Shinji really knew was that he would "probably never see her again."

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            Asuka Langley Soryu heard a thunder clap off in the distance, and soon found herself awake. It was warm, and she felt secure. He was still there. It became apparent to her that her fingers had become intertwined with those of the third child, and she made no immediate action to change that. He had grown. He had taken the cold, hard, facial structure of his father. Even his eyes seemed, like his dad, to hold hidden depths of pain and malice, like he was constantly teetering on the edge of his own sanity, but something was keeping him from falling. She got the impression that both he, as well as she, did not know what this thing was. He was tall now, easily taller than her, and somewhat unshaven. He was still skinny though, and she doubted that would ever change. [hot]. Perhaps it was a little too warm. Asuka reached down and undid another button on the shirt Shinji and given her. She felt bad about showing up at his house, though, admittedly, she doubted that he minded much. She had hoped that there would be two beds, but she didn't want to be trouble. There was no point in giving him the wrong impression [am I lying to myself?] but that was just the way things had turned out. She was sleeping on hospitalities tab after all. It was nice though, she thought, to be beside someone she felt she knew. 

The last few nights of her life had been some of the loneliest she could remember, though in actuality they were lonely for a different reason than she thought, or perhaps she just refused to admit to herself the real reason. Either way here she was. He hadn't tried anything either, even though Asuka hadn't really suspected that he would, even though he was obviously drunk (she could tell by his movements and his breath), and, being a 21 year old male, more than likely horny as hell. [Hell, maybe he just really respects me]. Asuka would have laughed at this thought if there would have been people around to hear her; people to justify the giggling that would have taken place. Somewhere within her girlish frame was a wish however, a slight want that burned, a piece of her that hoped, for reasons beyond her comprehension, that he would take her as she laid there upon his bed, warm, pure, and feeling a bit guilty for feeling such things for a man she had not spoken to since she had been a child.

A child. That was what she considered herself back then; back when she had been confused and irrational, crying out for help to a world filled with uncaring people. Perhaps he had cared, but she had pushed him away regardless. She had cried for him on some nights. She had broken her promise. It was a pledge that she found herself to be breaking more and more frequently. He had not understood her, and now, looking back she couldn't blame him. Boys rarely had the sensibilities to cope with the complications of feminine life, and even so not the kind of complexities evident in Asuka Langley Soryu. [that poor guy. I was probably his first kiss too… I was such a bitch]. She felt bad about the kiss. Somehow she had managed to kill two birds with one stone by both indulging in the forbidden, while at the same time reducing the boy to a mere object. It was odd how things from so long ago still managed to gnaw at you; it was odd how sorry in regards to how she had acted she really was.

His breathing was soft and rhythmic, a turn on for some reason. Asuka stood on her knees and looked down upon the sleeping frame of Shinji Ikari. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and for a moment the second child wondered if he was wearing any pants before she dashed the thought from her mind. She leaned down close to his chest, pausing and thinking about tempting fate. […] Asuka rested her head on Shinji's chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the rise and fall of the air leaving his lungs. [I shouldn't be doing this]. Another moment passed. [why cant I pull away?] Asuka reached her arms to where she had been laying previously and grabbed her pillow, hugging it close to her abdomen, as well as pulling the comforter from her side of the bed to cover her new position. With her task done, Asuka undid another button on her shirt, all the while thinking of excuses to explain the predicament in the morning.

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Shinji Ikari opened his eyes to the morning light, and, as expected had a pounding headache. But, he was feeling undoubtedly happy, though it took him several moments to recall why. [Asuka]. She was still there; in fact she was much closer than before. The second child was right beside him, her fingers wrapped in his. […]. Shinji didn't quite know what to think. It seemed as if so much had changed in one night, but at the same time he was wary. She had done this sort of thing to him before, luring him close only to push him away again. He almost felt angry with himself for thinking this way, likely because the charm of the alcohol had left him, but regardless he knew it to be true. 

He tilted his head slightly to get a better look at the German girl. Her head was resting on his chest, her long red hair spread out along his upper body. [her shirt]. She had undone four buttons now, and her left breast lay exposed on his ribs. This wasn't like before though; he didn't feel guilty seeing this part of her now. It seemed…[natural], yes that was it. Perhaps it was some inherent instinct left within him from generations past; Adam and Eve living unabashedly and, in the beginning, purely. He wanted to touch her, to reach out to her and tell her things that he never told anyone before. But he did not. He still felt held back by some sort of invisible bonds, societal maybe, but it more likely had to do with his upbringing; the absence of loving arms and encouraging thoughts. He decided that it was best to just go back to sleep, worried about the consequences any action he might take could cause, and the pain she might bring him.

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Rei Ayanami pulled her key from the lock on her apartment door and quickly entered. She headed immediately for the kitchen, placing the bag of groceries she was carrying down on the counter. She still felt somewhat winded from her jog, though walking back from the store had cooled her off a bit. There wasn't much on the schedule for the first child on this day, only studying and thinking about her as yet undeclared major. That was how it always was. Rei didn't have many friends, except a cat which she had never named. College had been the first real thing she had done without being ordered to do so, her first real step toward life. It was unnecessary she knew, she was allotted all the money she would ever need by the government anyway, but it helped to pass the time. 

It was at this moment that Rei Ayanami noticed a blinking red light on her answering machine.

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In truth, Kensuke Aida had not meant to leave a message. He had been drunk, very drunk, and his passions had simply got the better of him. He had found himself calling Rei's house, amusing himself by attempting to record a message, erasing it, and then trying again by use of his cell phone. He felt like an absolute idiot, and for the life of him could not recall what he had said. 

Love itself is for many a largely unexplored and irrational region. It simply does not make sense, but that does not mean that it can be denied. Sometimes it is the stupid things we do that end up changing our lives forever. Kensuke Aida hoped that maybe, just maybe, all those crazy ideas about love were true.

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"Rei, this is Kensuke, Kensuke Aida. I'm not sure if you remember me or not, we went to high school together. Anyway, I just, well, I can't stop thinking about you. I guess what I am trying to say is that I would really, really, really, like to see you some time. Dinner maybe? Tomorrow? I don't know. I would really like it if you would give me a call. My number is 963-8057."

The message concluded with a click, a cats meow, and a rather surprised blue haired undergrad.

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When Shinji Ikari awoke for his final time that morning and found that she had left him. He glanced at his clock and saw that it was about 10:30, and decided he might as well get up. He stood from his bed and began to browse his closet, finding his traditional pants and shirt. He left his room and the sounds of his new roommate became audible. She was crying. Shinji walked down the hallway to the living room where he found her sitting on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest, and tears streaming across her pale cheeks.

"I thought you didn't cry," he said, and then felt bad immediately after saying it. [I'm sorry].

            Asuka sniffled, and then attempted to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"I guess I'm not as strong as you think," she said, a glint of her old malice flickering in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that," he said.

"Still like to apologize, huh?"

Shinji frowned. [I deserved that]. He wanted to stand up and leave her; leave her here with her problems. But he resisted the urge. He hated that part of himself, the part that wished to run away. He wanted companionship, but hated the idea of the pain he might suffer to attain it. [don't run away. You're done running. Talk to her].

"Asuka…are you alright?"

"I'll be fine," she said, closing the door on his attempt to reach out to her.

[fine] Shinji thought, [if that's how she wants to be than fine]. He could feel his temper rising.

"Asuka why are you here," he said, venom now evident in his tone.

The second child made a gasping noise, choking on her tears.

"Because I have no where else to go."

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I hope you guys enjoyed chapter two! As I'm sure is obvious at this point this is not a one shot, and I will try to keep chapters coming regularly (though I am still trying to finish up Renaissance and Revolution right now as well). PS: I am kind of a reviews addict, so I would really appreciate it if you could send me a review. Also thanks to ST Pika for pre-reading. Thank you to everybody for reading and I will see you next chapter!   -Deer Hunter


	3. III: A solemn hope

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. All characters and other associated materials are the property of Gainax.

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            And just like that she was gone. Out of his life again. It was that simple. [Wow]. It sure had happened quickly. Shinji sighed, watching the area that his breath would have appeared had it been cold outside. When it came down to it Shinji Ikari believed that he simply did not understand other people. It was a clean cut, plain and simple excuse constructed solely, purposely, and conveniently for the third child to hide behind. However lying to himself had become something that Shinji had gotten used to over the years and it was simply easier to not think about it; to not agonize over other peoples feelings and complications. [damn it. I guess I'm just destined to be alone].

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            "Misato?"

            "Uhh…Yes, hello, Asuka?"

            "Yep, it's me."

            "Good to hear from you again. How was Shinji's?"

            "Oh it was fine."

            "Well good, anyway Asuka I would love to stay and talk for a while but I'm actually leaving on a business trip to America right now."

            "Ohh," Asuka said, here voice easily conveying how put out she was by her former room mate's response.

            "Okay. Goodbye then."

            With a click the conversation ended.

            "Shiess."

            That left Hikari Horaki as her only possible roommate option in the greater Tokyo-3 area. [stupid Shinji]. He had made her cry, though she wasn't entirely sure why. [why cant I just allow myself to be happy for once?] It had felt good, she admitted, to have someone warm next to her; to have seen Shinji again after so long. But why had she cried? Why did she cry so easily for Shinji, but when it came to him…why had she felt nothing?

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            "Hello?"

            "Yes, hi. Um, is Kensuke there?"

            "Rei?"

            "Yes."

            Kensuke Aida covered the receiver with his hand.

            "Shit! Okay. You're okay. Just play it cool. [I can't believe I actually left that message]. Kensuke pulled his hand off of the receiver and placed it to his ear once again.

            "Hello Rei."

            "Hello Kensuke. I um…got your message."

            "Ahh…"

            "Do you think that eight would be alright?"

            "What?"

            "Eight O'clock," she paused, sounding unsure of herself, "you did ask me to dinner correct?"

            "Oh ya! Haha, of course I did! Yes Eight would be perfect."

            "Alright then, I will see you at eight. Goodbye."

            "Goodbye, Rei."

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            "Oh my God Asuka I am so glad to see you!"

            Hikari Horaki clamped Asuka Langley Soryu into one of the tightest hugs she had had in a long time.

            "I can't believe you're here! How long have you been in Japan?"

            "I actually just flew in last night."

            "Really! That's great, Asuka."

            The brown haired girl simply stared at her old friend for a moment and smiled.

            "I never really thought I would see you again."

            Asuka smiled back.

            "Me either."

            "Well do you need a place to stay?"

            "Actually I do, you see-," Asuka found her words cut off suddenly by another voice.

            "Hikari!"

            "Yes?"

            "Are we out of milk?"

            "Yah. We finished the last carton yesterday night, remember?"

            "Oh, that's right. Sorry."

            "That's fine."

            "Do you want me to run to the store?"

            Toji Suzahara now became visible to the second child as he stepped around the corner from the kitchen. He looked mostly the same, but he was taller now and much more muscular.

            "Asuka?"

            "Jesus Toji put some clothes on," Hikari said with an annoyed tone.

            "Oh," Toji said, his expression changing as he realized that he was only wearing a pair of boxer shorts and socks, "Right, got yah."

            Asuka watched as the fourth child retreated back into the recesses of the apartment.

            "So I see you're living with Toji."

            "Yes."

            "And how many bedrooms did you say you had?"

            "Um, just one actually. Were looking around for something bigger."

            "I see."

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            "Shinji? You home?"

            "Misato? Yah I'm here. Come on in."

            The door opened quickly as Shinji's former purple haired guardian entered and sat on his couch.

            "So what brings you here?"

            "I'll get right to the point: What happened with Asuka?"

            Shinji groaned.

            "Nothing happened. She spent the night, and then left this morning."

            Misato looked extremely disappointed.

            "Shinji, you only have one bed."

            "Yah. And?"

            "So you spent the night together, right?"

            "Yes."

            "And nothing happened?"

            "Look Misato, I'm not like you, alright? I have more respect for Asuka than that. Besides, she wouldn't want me anyway."

            "Shinji, why do you think she showed up at your house?"

            "Because you told her you were busy."

            "Well true, but don't you think that she could've gone to Hikari's, or to a hotel?"

            "I suppose."

            "She obviously wanted to see you. I just gave her a little incentive."

            "So you're saying that she needed an excuse to see me?"

            "Well…Would you ever show up at Asuka's place in Germany?"

            "No."

            "What if you were ordered to by NERV? Would you go then?"

            "Probably."

"And you wouldn't be happy to have an excuse to see the woman you've loved since your were fourteen?"

            "That's not true."

            "Bullshit. We both know it. Jesus Shinji everyone knows it. You don't think Asuka knew what she was doing when she came here last night? Why do you think that she stayed in Japan a whole two years after the Angels were defeated? Shinji sometimes I think you are the densest person I have ever met."

            "So you're trying to tell me that I love Asuka, a woman who has been a total bitch to me my entire life, and that she, one of the most beautiful women I have ever met, in turn love's a worthless loser like me, and has simply been waiting for me to make a move my entire life?"

            Shinji laughed.

            "Wow, Misato, I can't wait to sell the movie rights."

            "Shinji, do you remember what I said to you when Asuka left all those years ago?"

            Shinji nodded, his expression growing solemn.

            "Well guess what Shinji, if you don't do something right now, you will probably never see her again."

************************************************************************

            "Why did I come here?" the second child said to no one, "What did is expect would happen? Did I just think that somehow nothing would have changed? That I could just stroll back into the lives of people I haven't even communicated with in years?"

            Asuka Langley Soryu found that she didn't blame them though. She knew what kind of person she was, how she acted and the way she treated others. She found herself trying to analyze how she felt towards Shinji Ikari, but she would always come up blank. This was one of the reasons that she had come back to Japan after the death of her husband. Perhaps it had just been a defense mechanism, running back to the people that had been abandoned.

            Asuka sighed as she watched the waves roll onto the sand lake shore. It had been the happiest time of her life. She was young, she was still young she reminded herself, and she had been free, and rich too. It was a lonely life, too much money and nothing, no one to spend it on or with. They had met at an awards ceremony. 

That day Asuka had received a medal of honor from NERV Germany, and he had been there. He was an American named Damon Robinson. She had found him very attractive, with his dark hair and features and well built frame. He had been "hung out to dry," as he had put it at the time. He had been participating in an experimental Evangelion project for the American government, but the project had been abandoned after the defeat of the Angels. As a good will gesture the government had offered him a position as a sort of traveling emissary for NERV USA, and he had accepted. 

They had immediately hit it off once they had met and proceeded upon a tour of Europe with the assistance of Asuka's sizable, though no longer incoming (a law of the Japanese government stated that a pension cannot continue for a sustained period outside of Japan itself), Japanese government money. She had fallen in love, fully, completely, and dangerously, in love. He had proposed to her on the back of a train running through France, and she had accepted without a moment's hesitation. The wedding came a month afterward. The ceremony had been simple, for neither that any living family left to impress, and they had gone on honeymoon in Hawaii.

They purchased two homes, one in California and one in Germany. Damon had come up with an idea soon after that. He had told her that it had something to do with cellular growth technology. He had founded a company: DNAlied. They had invested, or, in truth, she had invested in his company, as well as in other funds and corporations. Later that year Damon had gone in for a routine physical and the doctors discovered that he had cancer. 

She had watched him waste slowly away over a few short months, and then he was gone. Asuka had not been able to cry. She had sat with him through all the long days, and the sleepless, bedridden nights. She could not shed a tear. Soon afterwards his company faulted and went bankrupt, taking Asuka's invested funds with it. She was forced to sell both homes and move into a small apartment in Germany; to begin work at a 9 to 5. Six days earlier Asuka had abandoned her life in Germany and used the last of her savings to board a plane to Japan. And here she was, sitting alone on a lakeshore that she had helped to create when she was a child.

******************************************************************

[God she is beautiful], Kensuke Aida thought as he slowly walked with Rei Ayanami to the bottom floor of her apartment; walked her down to his Porsche Boxter 2021 turbo.

"Is that your car?"

"Indeed it is."

"Its…nice."

            "Yah. It was either a nice car or a decent apartment. So I of course took the car."

            [A joke. I just made a joke, right?] Kensuke waited for a show of emotion on Rei's face.

            [Was that a joke? Yes…yes that was humor. I should smile].

            Rei Ayanami allowed her lips to curl slightly.

            Kensuke Aida took note of this action and opened the passenger door to allow his date to get in.

            [This is gonna be an interesting night].

************************************************************************

            Misato Katsuragi made the drive back to her old apartment in the highest of spirits. She had left Shinji departing to save his tragic heroine from the fate of broken dreams and pondered questions. Having Asuka return to Japan filled her with s remarkable hope, and living her own lost life through Shinji Ikari would at least keep her thoughts off her own loneliness for the time being.

************************************************************************

            "Is it strange being famous?"

            "I'm hardly famous Rei."

            "I've seen you on television several times."

            Kensuke shrugged.

            "I'd rather still be in the service."

            "But you're a hero. I saw a biography on you. You saved the lives of three people."

            Kensuke put a piece of the steak he had been cutting into his mouth. [ya I sure did. From a situation that I caused].

            "Yes. I suppose I did."

            "And they gave you a Medal of Honor, is that correct?"

            "Yes."  

            "I would think that that would be something to be proud of."

            "Maybe someday I'll tell you a bit more about that," Kensuke said, ending the topic of conversation.

            Rei decided not to continue in that direction and instead allowed Kensuke to talk about other aspects of his life, especially since Rei believed her own to be astronomically boring. Throughout the meal Rei found herself to be smiling more and more often, and once, though missed by Kensuke, a small laugh had issued from her lips. When dinner came to an end Kensuke drove Rei back to her apartment, and walked her back up the stairs to her room, where an awkward array of "I had a good time"'s and "Goodnight";s followed.

            Silence. Rei found herself slightly confused about what was supposed to happen next. They were both simply standing outside of her doorway. She had read about situations like this, but she found that she could not quite recall what exactly the proper action was. [Do not kiss on the first date? Or…Do not have sex on the first date? hmm…do not get married on the first date?] Rei found that her normally reliable logic had, to some extent, deserted her.

            "Well…" Kensuke started.

            Rei approached him, leaned upwards and planted a quick kiss on the brown haired boy's cheek.

            "Goodnight Kensuke."

************************************************************************

            Shinji Ikari sat in the driver's seat of his car looking down onto the lakeshore from the ridge where he had parked his car. He could see Asuka Langley Soryu plainly, sitting a few feet back from the small lake waves.

            "I have to go down there. I should do down there."

            [Why can't I go down there? Why do I do this to myself? I hate this. I hate being afraid of her; of everyone. Father…no don't blame him. He is gone now. He's gone].

            Shinji opened the door of his car and began to walk the bumpy path down to the beach. Moments later he found himself standing next a red headed woman sitting on the beach. Silence, and then she spoke:

            "How did you know I was here?"

            "Hikari told me you might be."

            Asuka nodded.

            "I'm sorry about just coming out of nowhere and staying at your place."

            "Please don't apologize to me. I don't deserve apologies," there was silence for several moments before Shinji spoke again, "What did you mean when you said that you had no other place to go?"

            "I don't really want to talk about it."

            "Oh," Again silence followed, and then: "Last night, were you acting nice to me because you needed a place to stay?"

            Asuka immediately felt ashamed of herself. [was it really so strange for me to act nice to him?]

            "At first."

            "At first?"

            "Um…I mean," [sheiss].

            Shinji watched as Asuka began to blush slightly.

            "Anyway. I think that I'm going to head back to Germany. It was nice to see everyone again, but I don't think that this is the place for me. I hate to ask you this, but do you think that you could loan me some money for a plane ticket?"

            "What? Asuka, you don't have any money?"

            He watched her turn her head away.

            "I've…I've had some troubles as of late."

            "Oh. I see."

            "I mean its not, like, y'know…" her words faded into the twilight, lacking the truth to allow them to continue. Asuka knew she was broke, and Shinji had guessed the same after her comment.

            "Asuka?"

            "Yes?"

            "I'm glad that you came to stay with me last night."

            "Yah spending the night in a bed with me tends to do that to men."

            Shinji ignored the obvious attempt to lighten the emotion involved in what he was trying to say just as Asuka had said it to avoid putting her own feelings on the line.

            "I…I want you to stay. I, I mean…I don't," [goddamnit].

            Asuka could see the strain on the features of the third child. He was obviously trying to say something, but couldn't find the words.

            In Shinji's mind, however, the image from his childhood of Asuka Langley Soryu boarding her plane home was replaying continuously. [don't let her go again].

            "Asuka. I would really like it if you would stay around for a while. I mean, It's not a problem if you stay at my apartment, especially if your having money trouble. It can be like an all expense paid vacation. You can just hang out until you get your life back in order again."

            Asuka could sense a deeper, hidden passion to his words. But at the same time she could see that this was as close as either of them would get to reaching out to the other person. Asuka knew that she didn't really want to go back to Germany, and being close to her old friends again was part of her original intent in returning to Japan anyway; shoulders to lean on (as much as she hated to admit it).

            "I…I'd like that."

            Shinji nodded. He knew that what he had said to her had fallen far short of what he had come to the lake hoping to confess, but at the same time he could feel happiness begin to surface within himself at the prospect of Asuka staying, if only for a little while, with him. 

            Human beings are awkward creatures, made to walk on two legs and contend with emotions, thoughts, and the feelings of others. However, as the third child walked Asuka Langley Soryu back to his car, the world to him already seemed to be a much less painful place. A hope was burning within him, and, for now at least, that was all that really mattered to Shinji Ikari.


End file.
